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10.15.2007   


Set Yourself Up for a Winning Relationship
by Charly Emery

Charly Emery Invitations and e-vites for Halloween parties have already been sent out. As the air grows cooler and the temperatures dip, Thanksgiving is just around the corner, with the rest of the holidays following close behind. It's the time of year when relationships of every kind are highlighted. More than likely, this is due to the family reunions and social gatherings prompted by the holiday season. The rapid approach of the winter season has brought me new clients looking for love that will last long after presents are exchanged. There are many ways to attract the kind of partner you desire. You can also enhance the relationship you already enjoy. Today we'll explore two of those steps, which will set you up for a winning relationship.

The approach of the holiday season frequently stirs up mixed responses in people. What has long been celebrated as a joyous time of year to focus on the simple things in life such as love and family, has become much more convoluted. Many feel the need to fulfill what they perceive as obligatory actions, trips and gift giving. Then there are all the heartfelt commercials and advertisements celebrating love. We see everything from cars, diamonds and after-shave exchanged. Even in sunny Southern California, the images of loving couples curled up together in front of warm fireplaces with snow-covered roads outside can stir up the desire for romance.

Whether you participate in the entire hubbub or choose to hide away, holidays are great magnifiers. They magnify the dynamics you have with your family members, friends and significant others. They can also magnify the fact that any of those components may not be present in your life in the way you'd like them to be. The true nature of relationships as well as the deals you are making with yourself regarding your relationships may also rise within your consciousness.

My private sessions with clients enable me to identify what specific steps they can take to attract what they desire, maximize all of their relationships, and most importantly, maximize their peace of mind. However, here are two of the most important steps you can take to help you enjoy a fantastic relationship.

relationships Setting yourself for a winning relationship begins with you. You are the common denominator within all of your relationships, which means you are at the center of it all. How well do you know yourself? Have you ever thought in depth about who you are what you enjoy and what behaviors and methods of inner expression are most natural to you? On a simple level, what makes you feel most like a woman or a man? When I ask you that, I am asking for your individual interpretation, not the perception society has of women and men. This is about you. If you are going to attract and enjoy a rewarding relationship, you must know what is fulfilling to you.

For instance, do you want the average relationship that is good for the most part, or do you want an exceptional relationship that feels amazing. That may sound a little hokey, but after a divorce of my own, I can attest to the fact that if you want amazing, it exists. You must set your sights on it and settle for nothing less.

Setting yourself up for a winning relationship entails knowing what is organically fulfilling to you so you can in turn identify what will support you being yourself. I happen to have a tomboy side as well as a glamorous side. I love to be out on the river fly-fishing with my partner. When we return from a day on the river, we wash our faces and head straight to the restaurant in our fishing garb. However, on other occasions, we can dress up for a charity event or an evening out at a fine dining restaurant. We move stuff around the yard together, get our hands dirty together as well as step out on the town together. All of these activities make me feel most like a woman, because for me being a woman is about embracing all the sides of me.

I like being able to go to a restaurant in my fishing clothes, I enjoy dressing up for a night on the town, and I love cooking at home in my favorite yoga pants and tank top. I happen to like doors opened for me and help offered by strangers. Understanding these aspects of myself helped me appreciate what qualities my potential partner should have.

Do what comes naturally... When you desire to express your emotions, what comes most natural to you? Do you prefer a lot of physical closeness, or someone who enjoys more space that is personal? What kind of schedule do you prefer? I encourage my clients to think on two levels rather than by gender alone. Ultimately, your self-awareness as an individual opens the door for the most fulfilling life experience; however, there is valuable information in exploring your personal definition of what it means to be a woman or man in your relationship. If you haven't taken the time to understand yourself, your needs and your desires, how can expect someone else to fulfill them in a relationship?

The second part of creating the foundation for a winning relationship is using what you know about yourself to help you define what characteristics a good partner will likely have. If you prefer a lot of physical closeness and your partner is mortified by you kissing him at a super bowl party, it's suffice to say that you will probably be feeling emotionally unfulfilled in the relationship. Your partner may be very loving, nonetheless, if the difference in how you express yourselves causes one or both of you to curtail what comes naturally to you, you are setting yourself up for a lack of emotional fulfillment.

These are not small differences; they are directly related to what comes naturally to you and how you express yourself. If your partner's needs and characteristics do not support yours, neither one of you will thrive in the relationship. This goes both ways--if your partner gives you everything you want and need without you doing the same for your partner, the relationship is destined to suffer. This is often when one or both participants use the rational that their partner is a good person whom they love; therefore, they should accept the differences. With communication, new levels can certainly be reached. However, I'm giving you information designed to manifest a relationship in which both people thrive. The more you both support what is fundamentally important and innate to each of you, the more you and your relationship can grow and prosper.

remembering Whether you are in a relationship now, or desire one, do you remember what the last relationship(s) taught you about yourself? I'm not asking you to conjure up the memories of your previous partners' faults, although recognizing what didn't work for you in the relationship is extremely helpful. I want you to identify what you learned. There is a wealth of information--like a treasure chest--waiting for you to embrace even after a simple date.

Every relationship is a lesson, which means in the best and worst moments you have invaluable information for you to grasp that will help you grow. The quietest, simple moments harbor some of the greatest information waiting for you to use later as a step stool to get you over those bumps when you are seeking a better relationship.

While society may view divorce as a failure of some sort, after my previous marriage I learned the majority of what helped me manifest the incredible relationship I enjoy today. Dates and relationships, long and short-lived teach us about ourselves if we are willing to pay attention.

Relationships are lessons with extensive chapters. What was it you remember about the best moments in your previous relationships? What made those moments so memorable? While in a relationship or after it's over, you'll know what you most enjoyed as well as what made you crazy. Instead of being bitter or negative, use that data to help you create what you want. You can enhance the quality of people you meet by understanding yourself better and having an increased sense of what will make a good partner.

Set yourself up for a winning relationship by exploring what kinds of behaviors make you feel the most natural and authentically you. Then get clear about what makes you both feel well from within so the relationship has the best synergistic environment within which it can thrive. Whether you could use help with a current relationship or desire to attract your partner, I can help you specifically in your own private session. Email me at charly_organic@yahoo.com and let's manifest what you dream of today!

ARCHIVED CHARLY ARTICLES:

> LIFE COACHING
> ATTRACTING OPTIMUM ENERGY
> HOW TO MANIFEST WHAT YOU DREAM OF...TODAY!
> FINDING THE HIDDEN TREASURE WITHIN YOUR DESIRES
> CREATING A SPACE FOR YOUR DESIRES TO MANIFEST
> PERSPECTIVE: POSITIVE, NEGATIVE AND BEING REALISTIC
> THE MAGIC OF POSSIBILITIES
> THE POWER OF CHOICE
> THE POWER OF RELATIONSHIP
> CLEANSING FOR CLARITY
> THE VALUE OF ASKING
> SHAKING THINGS UP FOR BETTER BALANCE
> THE VASTNESS OF VISUALIZATION
> WHO'S YOUR BEST BUDDY?
> FEAR: FRIEND OR FOE?
> COMPLAINING VS. APPRECIATING
> THE ART OF LETTING GO WHILE MAXIMIZING PRODUCTIVITY
> THE INTELLECTUAL AND EMOTIONAL CONNECTION TO TRANSFORMATION
> UNDERSTANDING POWER AND HOW TO HARNESS YOUR OWN
> THE GOLD BEHIND YOUR GOALS
> THE THREAT OF REGRET


Copyright © 2017, Charly Emery. This article is available for export only by permission. Email Charly Emery, www.charlyemery.com.
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